Avoidance
by Lass of the Lake
Summary: Cullen notices that the Herald is avoiding him and can't stand her being angry with him so he vows to fix things. One-Shot.


**A/N: No copyright infringement is intended. I don't own anything.**

 _Avoidance_

* * *

Cullen sighed as he spotted the familiar face of their prisoner-turned-Herald - or rather, he sighed as he saw her notice him and rapidly about face and head back inside the gates of Haven.

Cullen Rutherford knew he wasn't the most observant man when it came to the opposite sex, but he was certain that Mira was avoiding him.

It bothered him and it was no mystery as to why. Since they'd found the elf, unconscious and dirty, but otherwise unmarred, outside the ruins of the conclave, he'd found her to be one of the most beautiful women he'd ever seen in his life. And since then, she'd proven to be brave, fiery, intelligent and a natural-born leader. Hell, she'd recruited a Qunari spy, a Grey Warden and a Grand Enchanter, none of which were any small feat.

The Commander of the Inquisition knew he was absolutely enamored with their dark-haired Herald of Andraste and he knew he hadn't done a good job of being discreet about that fact. And he had been quite certain that she'd shown some interest in him as well. She'd certainly asked him a lot of personal questions and he didn't suppose he'd imagined the blush on her cheeks when she asked him if he'd taken a vow of chastity as a Templar. She also hadn't seemed to be put out about his former position within the order, which he could understand, given her status as an apostate. However, she'd been genial and politely curious about his Templar past. As a Dalish elf, he supposed that she'd never concerned herself over the Templars, unlike human and alienage-raised elven mages.

So what then?

Cullen thought back, racking his brain for what could possibly have changed. Certainly, she'd still been interested before her last trip to Redcliff. Was she upset that they'd asked her to lay herself out like a strip of meat? Or… was it his reaction afterward? He thought of how harsh he was with her, criticizing her for turning the mages loose on Haven with no oversight. He'd called them dangerous - and in doing so, had called her dangerous. He winced, suddenly realizing what a ginormous prig he'd been.

He'd yelled at her like she was just any solider who'd acted outside their orders and then thought nothing of it. But he wasn't really her commanding officer - in title, certainly, but in actuality, Mira was just as much of a leading force as he. And there had been talk between him, Leliana, Cassandra and Josephine of naming her Inquisitor, though no one was quite ready to take the leap of actually asking her yet. It'd be a big move and was better left until a more decisive time, but that didn't change the fact that soon, she would more than likely outrank him. No, she was no ordinary solider and yelling at her like she was had been a mistake.

The blond scratched the back of his head distractedly. No wonder she was upset with him. He hadn't noticed at the time, but she'd been curt during the rest of that conversation, even after he'd lightened up and acknowledged her importance in closing the breach.

They were still a day or two away from trying to close the breach - a few straggling groups of mages had yet to make it to Haven to provide their aid - and Cullen resolved to talk to Mira before then.

As luck would have it, they had to call a meeting in the war room the night before they were to attempt to close the breach. The lady steadfastly avoided his gaze, her eyes focused solely on Leliana, Josephine, Dorian or Cassandra, even if he were the one speaking. Even when he addressed her directly and she'd had to look at him, she didn't meet his eyes and seemed to look a bit over his shoulder, as if he were invisible.

The meeting was called to a close and the mage who'd intruded, Dorian, being closest to the door stopped Mira from slipping out too quickly for Cullen to follow. He was able to catch her elbow right outside the door.

For the first time in a fortnight, those beautiful forest green irises focused in on him and his breath caught a little, but the anger burning in them did detract from their magnetism. "Excuse me, Ser," she said with a hint of venom that he'd not heard in her sweet voice before, even when she was a prisoner, and gave her arm a jerk, trying to free herself, "but I have duties to attend to before tomorrow."

Cullen held tight, an inner war being waged as he struggled between his gentlemanly upbringing and his resolve to make things right with her. In the end, his resolve won.

"A private word, please, Herald," he said, noticing Leliana and Josephine eyeing them as they exited the war room.

Her eyes narrowed but she gave an agitated groan. "Fine," she said, clearly reluctant. She gave her arm another jerk and this time, he let her go. "After you, Commander Cullen."

He felt himself frown at her tone but led the way to his private quarters, nonetheless. In any other circumstance, he wouldn't bring a lady who was so clearly loathe of his presence back to his room, but due to limited resources at Haven, he didn't have an office and he would not risk having this conversation where it could be overheard. He turned to face her once he reached the desk he'd set up in his room and noticed her hesitating at the threshold. "Please, Lady Lavellan, come in. I don't wish to take up too much of your time."

Cullen noticed her eyes dart around the small area of his room, but she dipped her head once in acknowledgement, and stepped through the door, closing it softly behind her.

Being alone with her stirred feelings in Cullen that were unfamiliar - the tightening of his stomach, the warming of his chest - but he pushed them down, determined to both be a perfect gentleman and to make things right with Mira.

"I wanted to apologize, my lady," he said, not daring to be familiar with her clearly still seething.

Mira, however, seemed caught off guard by the apology. "You're apologizing?" she asked, her brow furrowing. "What for?"

"… Yelling at you?" The statement came out as more of a question. Wasn't that why she was mad? Wasn't that why she'd been avoiding him?

Mira only seemed more confused. "You yelled at me? I honestly don't even remember that." She sighed, blowing a puff of air upwards and ruffling her bangs. "Look, I'm not mad - or, at least, I wasn't till you manhandled me." A sharp glare accompanied that statement. Cullen had the decency to look abashed and seeing that, her glare softened.

Silence fell between the two. Cullen fidgeted with his armor and she reached up to grab a stand of hair and twirl it around her finger. It wasn't long until Cullen couldn't take it anymore, though.

"So, if you weren't mad about me yelling at you about the mages, why have you been avoiding me?" he asked in a soft tone.

Mira continued to twirl her hair and seemed to be totally unable to meet his gaze.

"Mira?"

Slowly, she brought her eyes up to meet his and it was then that he noticed that they had started to fill with tears. "When I met with Alexius and Dorian and I fell through time, I saw some… things. Really bad things. Looking at Bull and Varric and Leliana is hard, because I feel like it's been tattooed into my brain and I get these little… flashes."

Cullen was silent. It had never occurred to him that what she'd seen in that horrible future could affect her so, but here it was. He could see the proof of it in the pain that marred her beautiful face.

"I didn't tell anyone - Dorian had gone on ahead so he didn't see, but… you were there. You were dead… swallowed up by a huge growth of red lyrium… and I can't stop seeing it." Her voice broke and she began crying on the last four words she spoke.

Cullen couldn't help himself - he moved forward and wrapped his arms around her. To his great surprise, she grabbed onto him instead of pulling away, burying her face in the space between where the shoulder of his armor met the torso. "Shhh," he soothed. "I'm right here and that's never going to happen. We're going to stop it… together."

The two stayed like that for a while - her crying and him soothing her with reassuring things that devolved into little more than gibberish as time went on.

Far too soon for Cullen's liking, she pulled back and wiped the tears from her red swollen face. He wanted to do it for her, but his chivalry got in the way. He'd already been far and beyond too familiar with her today and she was vulnerable right now. "Thank you, Commander. I apologize," she said, her voice warbling a little bit with the remainder of her tears and falling short of the stiff tone she was going for.

Cullen could see past it, now. That cool, curt demeanor was just there to hide the fact that, despite the anchor in her hand and her leadership skills, she was still just a young woman who was on a difficult path. One that he wanted to help her on.

His golden eyes bore into every feature on her face until she finally looked up at him and he was able to catch her eye. "Call me Cullen and never apologize for having feelings about the terrible things you're bound to witness. I have my own… dark experiences so I'll always be here to listen."

A small smile escaped the elven woman. "Okay, Cullen," she said, a tiny blush appearing on her cheeks.

Mira turned and moved to open the door. Cullen didn't want her to go but couldn't think of a good reason to ask her to stay. Before she left, though, she looked over her shoulder at him with a familiar, Mira smile. "I'll see you tomorrow… Cullen."

The commander smiled. "See you tomorrow, Mira."


End file.
